Food: A bagel is a doughnut with the sin removed. ~George Rosenbaum

Food: A converted cannibal is one who, on Friday, eats only fishermen. ~Emily Lotney

Food: A fruit is a vegetable with looks and money. Plus, if you let fruit rot, it turns into wine, something Brussels sprouts never do. ~P.J. O'Rourke

Food: A furniture maker by trade, James McIntyre turned his hand to poetry in order to help others appreciate the many wonders of Canada as he viewed them. Key among them: cheese. Few could argue with his rationale; to wit, "it is no insignificant theme." ~Kathryn Petras and Ross Petras

Food: A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible. ~Author Unknown

Food: A nickel will get you on the subway, but garlic will get you a seat. ~Old New York Proverb

Food: A nickel's worth of goulash beats a five dollar can of vitamines. ~Martin H. Fischer

Food: A three-year-old gave this reaction to her Christmas dinner: "I don't like the turkey, but I like the bread he ate." ~Author Unknown

Food: According to my mother, there pretty much wasn't anything I wouldn't eat as a child.... I was even inclined to dig into stuff about which she expressed open disgust... cheap Chinese food with pepper so hot it made your gums feel like a medieval dentist had been at them. ~Alice Dreger

Food: According to the latest authorities spring fever, the cause of so much loss of energy, can be prevented by homemakers if they will feed their families in the winter season with plenty of green vegetables. ~Richard Gay Neville, M.D.

Food: After all the trouble you go to, you get about as much actual "food" out of eating an artichoke as you would from licking 30 or 40 postage stamps. ~Miss Piggy

Food: All sorrows are less with bread. ~Miguel de Cervantes

Food: Always eat grapes downward - that is eat the best grapes first; in this way there will be none better left on the bunch, and each grape will seem good down to the last. If you eat the other way, you will not have a good grape in the lot. ~Samuel Butler

Food: An apple is an excellent thing - until you have tried a peach. ~George du Maurier

Food: An onion can make people cry, but there has never been a vegetable invented to make them laugh. ~Will Rogers

Food: And, of course, the funniest food of all, kumquats. ~George Carlin

Food: Anyhow, the hole in the doughnut is at least digestible. ~H.L. Mencken

Food: Apelles gave us supper as if he had butchered a garden, thinking he was feeding sheep and not friends. There were radishes, chicory, fenugreek, lettuces, leeks, onions, basil, mint, rue, and asparagus. I was afraid that after all these things he would serve me with hay, so when I had eaten some half-soaked lupins I went off. ~Ammianus

Food: As for butter versus margarine, I trust cows more than chemists. ~Joan Gussow

Food: As the days grow short, some faces grow long. But not mine. Every autumn, when the wind turns cold and darkness comes early, I am suddenly happy. It's time to start making soup again. ~Leslie Newman

Food: Avoid fruit and nuts. You are what you eat. ~Jim Davis

Food: Beauty isn't something on the outside. It's your insides that count! You gotta eat green stuff to make sure you're pretty on the inside. ~ (Nintendo video game) written by Takayuki Ikkaku, Arisa Hosaka, and Toshihiro Kawabata

Food: Bread and butter, devoid of charm in the drawing-room, is ambrosia eating under a tree. ~Elizabeth Russell

Food: Bread deals with living things, with giving life, with growth, with the seed, the grain that nurtures. It is not coincidence that we say bread is the staff of life. ~Lionel Poilane

Food: But they do not eat hot peppers in the United States. Here and there, yes. But hot peppers there are weak peppers here. ~James Street

Food: Chemicals, n: Noxious substances from which modern foods are made. ~Author unknown

Food: Chili represents your three stages of matter: solid, liquid, and eventually gas.

Food: Chowder breathes reassurance. It steams consolation. ~Clementine Paddleford

Food: Cold beer & pizza are spiritual. ~Betsy Canas Garmon,

Food: Cole's Law: Thinly sliced cabbage. ~Author Unknown

Food: Condensed milk is wonderful. I don't see how they can get a cow to sit down on those little cans. ~Fred Allen

Food: Custard: A detestable substance produced by a malevolent conspiracy of the hen, the cow, and the cook. ~Ambrose Bierce

Food: Did you ever stop to taste a carrot? Not just eat it, but taste it? You can't taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Divine Providence has spread her table everywhere, not with a juiceless green carpet, but with succulent herbage and nourishing grass, upon which most beasts feed. ~Thomas More

Food: Doctors confuse color and chemistry. The white meat of chicken is therefore the essence of a light diet and dark meat is poison. ~Martin H. Fischer

Food: Don't eat anything your great-grandmother wouldn't recognize as food. ~Michael Pollan

Food: Don't forget that the flavors of wine and cheese depend upon the types of infecting microorganisms. ~Martin H. Fischer

Food: Everything I eat has been proved by some doctor or other to be a deadly poison, and everything I don't eat has been proved to be indispensable for life. But I go marching on. ~George Bernard Shaw

Food: Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. ~P.J. O'Rourke

Food: Fish, to taste right, must swim three times - in water, in butter, and in wine. ~Polish Proverb

Food: For as nutrition is the best friend a human body ever has, so its worst enemy is stimulation. ~Dr. James C. Jackson, speech, May 1885, to the patients at Our Home on the Hillside

Food: For happy health, fuel yourself with dreams and greens. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Good bread is the most fundamentally satisfying of all foods; good bread with fresh butter, the greatest of feasts! ~James Beard

Food: Good food ain't cheap, and cheap food ain't good. ~Author unknown

Food: Green leafy happiness and cherry-red life, bursting with seeds. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Green tastes like life, feels like energy, looks like peacefulness, smells like earth's love, sounds like vibrant health (your body listens well). Eat your greens, go wild for greens, play in green, weave green into your colorful daily existence! ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Greens feed our souls, refresh our minds, and nourish our grateful bodies. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Greens too have a complex history in the South. They were something that people could go and gather after working a long shift at the factory. So although greens were one of the earlier items to be canned and sold, people didn't choose to spend their grocery money on them when they first had money to do so. "Greens can be seen as a protest against the time clock that industrialization introduced," Engelhardt says. "Gathering greens served as a means for both men and women to resist new factory and mine-driven gender roles, as a walk in the woods did not involve company scrip or time clock." ~Vive Griffith

Food: Growing up, my mom made dinner every night. Usually this would be a large salad with kale, carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, all organic of course, and sometimes she'd sprinkle nuts on top for texture. Kale has a metallic taste, like chewing on the hood of a Mercedes. No, something safer, like a Volvo. ~Jarod Kintz

Food: He was a very valiant man who first adventured on eating oysters. ~James I

Food: Hey yogurt, if you're so cultured, how come I never see you at the opera? ~Attributed to Stephen Colbert

Food: High-tech tomatoes. Mysterious milk. Supersquash. Are we supposed to eat this stuff? Or is it going to eat us? ~Annita Manning

Food: Hilario Villareal is the best pepper man in Feliz. He eats for breakfast. With beer. He grows his own peppers and has a secret. He wet-rots leaves for his plants and grows them on a south slope that is sheltered on three sides. And in the dry season he waters them from a bucket. I tell you to have respect for his peppers. His soil is very sour and his peppers are very hot. ~James Street

Food: Hot? Those things? They are for children. For nursing children. And -pepper man. ~James Street

Food: I don't think America will have really made it until we have our own salad dressing. Until then we're stuck behind the French, Italians, Russians and Caesarians. ~Pat McNelis

Food: I have no truck with lettuce, cabbage, and similar chlorophyll. Any dietitian will tell you that a running foot of apple strudel contains four times the vitamins of a bushel of beans. ~S.J. Perelman

Food: I have so mushroom in my heart for you! ~Popular internet meme

Food: I love sandwiches. Let's face it, life is better between two pieces of bread. ~Jeff Mauro, a.k.a. The Sandwich King

Food: I take a vitamin every day. It's called a steak. ~Leo Benvenuti and Steve Rudnick

Food: I was looking forward to some real Capsicums, fresh from the bush and oozing their pungent piperine. ~James Street

Food: I was warm inside from the beer and peppers, and felt chipper for the first time in weeks. ~James Street

Food: I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast anytime." So I ordered French toast during the Renaissance. ~Steven Wright

Food: I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead - not sick, not wounded - dead. ~Woody Allen

Food: I would like to find a stew that will give me heartburn immediately, instead of at three o'clock in the morning. ~John Barrymore

Food: I would think wolves would prefer spicy things. It's bears that crave sweets. ~Isuna Hasekura

Food: I'd rather have bread and cheese with my darlings than roast turkey, cranberry sauce, and mince-pie all alone. ~Jay Benson Hamilton

Food: I'm not sure what makes pepperoni so good - if it's the pepper or the oni. ~S.A. Sachs

Food: I'm sorry, was this chicken seasoned with molten lava?

Food: If it came from a plant, eat it. If it was made in a plant, don't. ~Michael Pollan

Food: If junk food is the devil, then a sweet orange is as scripture. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: If organic farming is the natural way, shouldn't organic produce just be called "produce" and make the pesticide-laden stuff take the burden of an adjective? ~Terri Guillemets

Food: If soup isn't hot enough to make a grown man wince, it's undrinkable. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it? ~Steven Wright

Food: If we're not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn't settle for junk food. ~Sally Edwards

Food: If wishes and buts were clusters of nuts, we'd all have a bowl of granola.

Food: If you are a human being, it's in your DNA to want bacon. ~Jan Charles

Food: If you ate pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? ~Author Unknown

Food: If you don't know what's meant by God, watch a forsythia branch or a lettuce leaf sprout. ~Martin H. Fischer

Food: If you don't recognize an ingredient, your body won't either. ~Author unknown

Food: If you plant Twinkies in your body garden, how do you expect to harvest health? ~Terri Guillemets

Food: In Mexico we have a word for sushi: bait. ~Jose Simons

Food: Inside our bodies, junk food converts into chaos. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: It cast a gloom over the boat, there being no mustard. We ate our beef in silence. ~Jerome K. Jerome

Food: It is, in my view, the duty of an apple to be crisp and crunchable, but a pear should have such a texture as leads to silent consumption. ~Edward Bunyard

Food: It was a little four-roomed cottage where the boy lived, and his mother-good soul!-gave us hot bacon for supper, and we ate it all-five pounds-and a jam tart afterwards, and two pots of tea, and then we went to bed. ~Jerome K. Jerome

Food: It would be nice if the Food and Drug Administration stopped issuing warnings about toxic substances and just gave me the names of one or two things still safe to eat. ~Robert Fuoss

Food: It's bizarre that the produce manager is more important to my children's health than the pediatrician. ~Meryl Streep

Food: It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato. ~Lewis Grizzard

Food: It's like spicy food - sometimes you have to tone it down so more people can enjoy it. ~Kenneth Edmonds

Food: Just bought lean chicken breasts instead of hot wings for supper because I'm a stupid ****** mature adult. ~Jason Sweeney

Food: Keep as near as ever you can to the first sources of supply-fruits and vegetables. ~B.W. Richardson

Food: Large, naked raw carrots are acceptable as food only to those who lie in hutches eagerly awaiting Easter. ~Fran Lebowitz

Food: Lettuce is like conversation; it must be fresh and crisp, so sparkling that you scarcely notice the bitter in it. ~Charles Dudley Warner

Food: Lettuce, greens and celery, though much eaten, are worse than cabbage, being equally indigestible without the addition of condiments. Besides, the lettuce contains narcotic properties. It is said of Galen, that he used to obtain from a head of it, eaten on going to bed, all the good effects of a dose of opium. ~William Andrus Alcott

Food: Life expectancy would grow by leaps and bounds if green vegetables smelled as good as bacon. ~Doug Larson

Food: Life is a combination of magic and pasta. ~Federico Fellini

Food: Life is an onion and one cries while peeling it. ~French Proverb

Food: Mac and cheese, that's God's best handiwork.

Food: Mints. Do you want your breath to be acceptable for 15 minutes? Reach for mints. It's like brushing your teeth - but with sugar.

Food: Most of the food allergies die under garlic and onion. ~Martin H. Fischer

Food: Mrs. Jakes had sent up stew and apple pie. "Oh, good," said Miss Marcy. "Stew's so comforting on a rainy day." ~Dodie Smith

Food: My favorite animal is steak. ~Fran Lebowitz

Food: My lips stung and the lining of my mouth was hot with quick and then prickling stings. I had taken two red frenzies, and without sweat, without the hard blowing of the breath. Then a red torrid. My lips had hardened to the sting, but my mouth was ridging inside. Then the tingle was in my throat and deep down. Now a greenish yellow fury. I felt the sweat ooze out on the back of my neck, down under my collar. I was hurting, the numbing burn of piperine, a crystalline alkaloid that tightens the tissues like wet rawhide. Each minute got longer. Next, a green buster. The heat seared down to my belly. ~James Street

Food: Never make eye contact while eating a banana. ~Author unknown

Food: No man is lonely eating spaghetti; it requires so much attention. ~Christopher Morley

Food: No, I don't take soup. You can't build a meal on a lake. ~Elsie de Wolfe

Food: Nobody seems more obsessed by diet than our anti-materialistic, otherworldly, New Age spiritual types. But if the material world is merely illusion, an honest guru should be as content with Budweiser and bratwurst as with raw carrot juice, tofu and seaweed slime. ~Edward Abbey

Food: Not eating meat is a decision, eating meat is an instinct. ~Denis Leary

Food: Of plants tomatoes seemed the most human, eager and fragile and prone to rot. ~John Updike

Food: One simply does not drive home from McDonald's without eating any fries. ~Internet meme

Food: Our bodies run on the fresh green fuel of the land. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Philosophers have often looked for the defining feature of humans - language, rationality, culture, and so on. I'd stick with this: Man is the only animal that likes Tabasco sauce. ~Paul Bloom

Food: Plant a radish, get a radish, never any doubt. That's why I love vegetables, you know what they're about! ~Tom Jones and Harvey Schmidt

Food: Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese. ~G.K. Chesterton

Food: Pollyanna was carrying calf's-foot jelly to Mrs. Snow to-day.... If it's Monday she's bound ter say she wished 'twas Sunday; and if you take her jelly you're pretty sure ter hear she wanted chicken - but if you bring her chicken, she'd be jest hankerin' for lamb broth!... or... tripe, or onions... ~Eleanor H. Porter

Food: Practice safe eating - always use condiments. ~Author Unknown

Food: Proust had his madeleines; I am devastated by the scent of yeast bread rising. ~Bert Greene

Food: Red meat is bad for you. Now blue-green meat

Food: Rice is born in water and must die in wine. ~Italian Proverb

Food: Salt looks like sugar. ~Proverb

Food: Sauerkraut may be reckoned among the wholesomest foods. ~Sebastian Kneipp

Food: Sea vegetables are the ocean's mineral and vitamin bank... ~Kristina Turner

Food: Sex is good, but not as good as fresh, sweet corn. ~Garrison Keillor

Food: She is fond of greens who kisses the gardener. ~Author Unknown

Food: Shedding late-summer tears for the end of cherry season. Patiently and hopefully waiting for pumpkin pie season. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Shipping is a terrible thing to do to vegetables. They probably get jet-lagged, just like people. ~Elizabeth Berry

Food: Some of us eat so poorly during the most stressful parts of the workday we need a vegetable orgy for dinner just to make up for it. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Someone has to stand up and say the answer isn't another pill. The answer is spinach. ~Bill Maher

Food: Soup and fish explain half the emotions of human life. ~Sydney Smith

Food: Soup is just a way of screwing you out of a meal. ~Jay Leno

Food: Soup is liquid comfort. ~Author Unknown

Food: Stored away in some brain cell is the image of a long-departed aunt you haven't thought of in 30 years. Stored away in another cell is the image of a pink pony stitched on your first set of baby pajamas. All it takes to get that aunt mounted on the back of that pony is to eat a hunk of meatloaf immediately before going to bed. ~Robert Brault

Food: Strawberries are the angels of the earth - innocent and sweet with green leafy wings reaching heavenward. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Studies find top 3 most stressful moments in people's lives: death, divorce, and properly pronouncing "Worcestershire sauce." ~Tony Hsieh

Food: The adulteration of food and drinks has become almost as general as the use of the article itself. Scarcely an article used by men in civilized countries has escaped this process, where it was possible to unite some cheaper substance with it. Flour, coffee, tea, sugar, butter and a hundred other articles that undergo this adulteration process. The methods have been so often exposed, that the public are tolerably acquainted with the manipulations these substances undergo at the hands of experts.

Food: The bagel, an unsweetened doughnut with rigor mortis. ~Beatrice & Ira Freeman

Food: The bread is sweet; mamma's hands filled it with love when she made it; the cheese is fresh, and the tea is warm. ~Jay Benson Hamilton

Food: The breakfast slimes, angel food cake, doughnuts and coffee, white bread and gravy cannot build an enduring nation. ~Martin H. Fischer

Food: The colors of a fresh garden salad are so extraordinary, no painter's pallet can duplicate nature's artistry. ~Dr. SunWolf

Food: The greatest delight the fields and woods minister is the suggestion of an occult relation between man and the vegetable. I am not alone and unacknowledged. They nod to me and I to them. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Food: The inventor of soda crackers has a place in hell. ~Martin H. Fischer

Food: The reason it's called "Grape Nuts" is that it contains "dextrose," which is also sometimes called "grape sugar," and also because "Grape Nuts" is catchier, in terms of marketing, than "A Cross Between Gerbil Food and Gravel," which is what it tastes like. ~Dave Barry

Food: The trouble with eating Italian food is that five or six days later you're hungry again. ~George Miller

Food: The U.S. palate now understands spicy. ~Lynn Dornblaser

Food: The way you cut your meat reflects the way you live. ~Confucius

Food: There are only ten minutes in the life of a pear when it is perfect to eat. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Food: There is a lot more juice in grapefruit than meets the eye. ~Author Unknown

Food: There is no such thing as a little garlic. ~A. Baer

Food: There is nothing better on a cold wintry day than a properly made pot pie. ~Craig Claiborne

Food: There is something in the flavor and aroma of the fresh strawberry that no amount of skill has been able to preserve. ~E.F. White

Food: There were green infernos and green terrors, yellow jackets and yellow furies, red torrids and red frenzies. ~James Street

Food: There's no such thing as soy milk. It's just soy juice. ~Lewis Black

Food: There's something about getting up at 5 a.m., feeding the stock and chickens, and milking a couple of cows before breakfast that gives you a lifelong respect for the price of butter and eggs. ~Bill Vaughan

Food: They claim red meat is bad for you. But I never saw a sick-looking tiger. ~Chi Chi Rodriguez

Food: They have hot peppers in Louisiana. Little red devils with fire in their skin and hell in their seeds. ~James Street

Food: This country is just beginning to feel that it is at war. The sugar shortage is one of the greatest blessings that ever happened to the people of this country, and if it will have done nothing better than to teach us that we can do without sugar, the war will have paid for itself.... The Lord never intended the child to develop a sweet tooth. He knew it would be a bad tooth.... Sugar is the curse of this country. ~Harvey W. Wiley

Food: This is the kind of plant that endears itself to a teenage boy. These weren't vegetables, they were weapons! And it was legal to grow them. ~James Gorman, about hot peppers

Food: This special feeling towards fruit, its glory and abundance, is I would say universal.... We respond to strawberry fields or cherry orchards with a delight that a cabbage patch or even an elegant vegetable garden cannot provoke. ~Jane Grigson

Food: Those who forget the pasta are condemned to reheat it. ~Author Unknown

Food: Too few people understand a really good sandwich. ~James Beard

Food: Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but Cabbage with a College Education. ~Mark Twain

Food: Tyler turned down the candy because it would make him run slower. ~Chris Powell/Ashley Hylton

Food: Vegetables are a must on a diet. I suggest carrot cake, zucchini bread, and pumpkin pie. ~Jim Davis

Food: Vegetables are food of the earth, but fruits taste of the heavens. ~Terri Guillemets

Food: Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat. ~Fran Lebowitz

Food: We are living in a world today where lemonade is made from artificial flavors and furniture polish is made from real lemons. ~Alfred E. Newman

Food: We don't like spicy food. Once we found red fang-shaped fruit among the cargo of a shipwreck. We ate it and regretted it loud and long! ~Isuna Hasekura

Food: We don't need a law against McDonald's or a law against slaughterhouse abuse - we ask for too much salvation by legislation. All we need to do is empower individuals with the right philosophy and the right information to opt out en masse. ~Joel Salatin

Food: We don't need a melting pot in this country, folks. We need a salad bowl. In a salad bowl, you put in the different things. You want the vegetables - the lettuce, the cucumbers, the onions, the green peppers - to maintain their identity. You appreciate differences. ~Jane Elliot

Food: We got married in a fever hotter than a pepper sprout. ~June Carter Cash

Food: We think fast food is equivalent to pornography, nutritionally speaking. ~Steve Elbert

Food: Welcome to the Church of the Holy Cabbage. Lettuce pray. ~Author Unknown

Food: What I say is that, if a fellow really likes potatoes, he must be a pretty decent sort of fellow. ~A.A. Milne

Food: What is stronger than a mother's love? The smell of spring onions on your girl's breath. ~, compiled and edited by John R. Kemble, 1902

Food: When I add a spoon of honey to my tea, I give thanks to a dozen bees for the work of their whole lives. When my finger sweeps the final drop of sweetness from the jar, I know we've enjoyed the nectar from over a million flowers. This is what honey is: the souls of flowers, a food to please the gods. Honeyeaters know that to have a joyful heart one must live life like the bees, sipping the sweet nectar from each moment as it blooms. And Life, like the world of honey, has its enchantments and stings.... ~Ingrid Goff-Maidoff

Food: Whoever needs milk, bows to the animal. ~Yiddish saying

Food: Worries go down better with soup. ~Jewish Proverb

Food: Yeah, where I come from, we eat our sushi cooked-medium rare. And it's made out of a cow. ~John Henson

Food: You are what you eat. For example, if you eat garlic you're apt to be a hermit. ~Franklin P. Jones

Food: You can do a lot for your diet by eliminating foods that have mascots. ~Ted Spiker

Food: You can find your way across this country using burger joints the way a navigator uses stars. ~Charles Kuralt

Food: You can make any meal into a sandwich, and any sandwich into a meal. ~Jeff Mauro, a.k.a. The Sandwich King

Food: You can say this for ready-mixes - the next generation isn't going to have any trouble making pies exactly like mother used to make. ~Earl Wilson

Food: You can tell how long a couple has been married by whether they are on their first, second or third bottle of Tabasco. ~Bruce Bye

Food: You can't expect to look like a million bucks if you eat from the dollar menu. ~Author unknown

Food: You know how I feel about tacos. It's the only food shaped like a smile. A beef smile. ~Danielle Sanchez-Witzel and Michael Pennie